College Football Brilliant Genius Savant Barrett Sallee of Bleacher Reporter (@BarrettSallee) caught our eye yesterday with this twitter communication:
“CFB selection committee should be 7-10 people, paid by the BCS, who are required to write blogs and appear on radio/TV all season.”
– Barrett Sallee, June 6th in the year 2012
Let’s cap that number at seven. But as these individuals will be a year round representative of CFB’s best interests with radio and TV appearances, in order to better the brand, they also need to be as entertaining as a Bobby Petrino bike ride.
So we tasked Jordan, Zac, MJ, and The Juice to cast The Committee of Seven, as if it were the most important committee to ever be cast.
And this is what we came up with:
THE JUICE (@thejuiceisgood):
This is the College Football equivalent of Fellowship of the Ring traveling to Mordor (which in our universe is called Tuscaloosa). I take the duty of forming this committee with sincerity, honesty and responsibility:
Stephen Hawking – For science and because it would be awesome to hear him talking College Football on the radio in a robot voice.
Charlie – My miniature dachshund. If he barks when you ask him about a team they are in the playoff discussion. If he pees when mentioned they are out.
Pam Ward – For the internet’s sake.
JORDAN STUCKEY (@jordanstuckey):
Chaz Bono – Better known as the child of Sonny & Cher. We chose Chaz because no one is faced with a tougher decision than to have a gender change. That’s a lot of pressure, a lot of sleepless nights wondering what to do. Pressure is exactly what
he… she… that human being would be dealing with when picking the nations top 4 teams.
Burt Reynolds – This panel needed a “man’s man.” Furthermore it needed a former college football player (sidenote: he was also a roommate with ESPN analyst Lee Corso while attending Florida State.) You need that person on the committee who’s willing to slap someone and curse at them after a coming up with a terrible scenario for the playoff. This is serious business and sometimes you just have to lay your hands on someone else.
Ben Affleck – This Hollywood hunk has/had a massive gambling addiction. College football needs someone who’s willing to take a risk-possibly sell the entire operation down the river based on a gut feeling. In this case, Affleck, is the ultimate risk taker. Plus, did you see this guy in Boiler Room? Wow, just wow. He was sooooo good.
This Grammy award winning artist… BECAUSE LET’S HAVE A REAL GOOD TIME! If this guy can transform the underside of an overpass to the hottest dance club in Miami, just think what he can do for The Orange Bowl.
ZAC STUCKEY (@zac_stuckey):
K.I.T. from Knight Rider – His level of discretion is unparalleled but the real reason for K.I.T. to be on this committee was for the sole purpose of providing a get-away for the rest of these poor bastards at the first sign of a misstep.
Al-Saadi Gaddafi – The third son of former Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, Al was considered based on his ambitious history of trying to form his own Hong Kong-like city. His name was withdrawn when a rumor surfaced in regard to Al’s preference for the rest of the committee to be referred to as numbers, his name being the only name spoken audibly.